I honestly believed that we had a great relationship, we had been together for so long. Okay, I didn't 'update' things as much as I should have - reading and hearing all those tales of things going wrong, I guess I was paranoid that things would change and that she wouldn't be the same any more. I still treated her well, overall, though...I think.
For a while now, things have been different. Mood swings, where she was no longer responsive...no matter how much I pushed her buttons. Suddenly 'blanking' on me in mid conversation, and then taking a long time 'processing' and being silent before allowing me to continue.
Randomly not allowing me in.
Things between us were breaking down, and although people kept telling me to let her go and move on...I just couldn't do it. It didn't seem right. I was so sure we could work things out.
These past 24 hours, however, have shown me otherwise.
She wants nothing more to do with me.
For brief moments, she teases me...giving me a small glimmer of hope that things are back to the way they were, but then everything turns to ice...frozen in time...and she abandons me again.
I've gotten so used to having her by my side that...everything feels wrong now that her companionship is no longer there. She's 'present', but it's just not the same. She's next to me right now as I type this...blinking but blank and frozen at 16:49...
...I don't want to let her go...