Ramadan 2013

For a third year, I will be experiencing Ramadan without my family. I have the Brothers and Sisters in Cayman, though, Alhumdulillah.

Although I won't be able to have any of my Mum's cooking at sehri or iftar, or my sister's or sister-in-law's, we have arrangements here, Alhumdulillah. Yet, millions across the world don't have this comfort.

Millions across the world, whether it's Ramadan or not, go without. Often beyond the hours between dawn and sunset...often for days on end.

As Muslims, we know that Ramadan is about spiritual growth and awareness, but there are many layers to this, including an awareness of others and our responsibility to our fellow human beings, whether they are Muslim or non-Muslim. Often, though, as individuals, we shirk that responsibility, or, generally, allow others to shoulder it for us.

There are, of course, those of us who are more involved with those around us - those of us who, even in the other 11 months of the year, shoulder the (shared) responsibilities of helping those in need (I'm not one of them, unfortunately, so these words are first for me and then for those who choose to read) - and they increase their efforts during the Blessed Month.

As I've said before, one of the beautiful gifts bestowed on mankind is the art of cooking - when you take a moment to think about it...the awareness of which herbs and plants are edible, which enhance, which mask, and so on, it's truly a wonderous gift.  The variety of food, the intuitive fusion of flavours...they are a blessing many of us are able to share and indulge in.

They are, also, a blessing many of us are not able to share and indulge in, even in cities like London. 

There are those who survive on scavanged stale bread.  Or old and tangy rice.

Something.

Anything.

Just to keep going.

And we have a responsibility to each and every one of them - even if all one can give them is some left over roti and a smile...

So, as before, remember, 'fasting is bestowed on us...that we may attain taqwa', but this 'consciousness' is on multiple levels...so go beyond the physical.

Ramadan Mubarak

So hard to let go...

I honestly believed that we had a great relationship, we had been together for so long.  Okay, I didn't 'update' things as much as I should have - reading and hearing all those tales of things going wrong, I guess I was paranoid that things would change and that she wouldn't be the same any more.  I still treated her well, overall, though...I think.


Didn't I?


For a while now, things have been different.  Mood swings, where she was no longer responsive...no matter how much I pushed her buttons.  Suddenly 'blanking' on me in mid conversation, and then taking a long time 'processing' and being silent before allowing me to continue.

Randomly not allowing me in.

Things between us were breaking down, and although people kept telling me to let her go and move on...I just couldn't do it.  It didn't seem right.  I was so sure we could work things out.

These past 24 hours, however, have shown me otherwise.

She wants nothing more to do with me.

For brief moments, she teases me...giving me a small glimmer of hope that things are back to the way they were, but then everything turns to ice...frozen in time...and she abandons me again.

I've gotten so used to having her by my side that...everything feels wrong now that her companionship is no longer there.  She's 'present', but it's just not the same.  She's next to me right now as I type this...blinking but blank and frozen at 16:49...

...I don't want to let her go...

75 years of awesome

As a child, I loved reading and watching the adventures of Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Superman.  As an adult, I still do – unfortunately, on the reading side of things, it’s been mainly ‘Superman’ these days, with Lois and Clark taking a (distant?) back seat.

It often surprises me that others are surprised that I’m so passionate about the ‘emancipation’ of women.  Granted, I don’t attend protests or anything like that (more fool me?) but the fact is that I know that girls and women have a right to education, to express themselves, to work, to lead.  It doesn’t have an adverse effect on their moral character, it doesn’t make men weaker, and it doesn’t make men ‘obsolete’.

It often surprises me that others are surprised that I’m so passionate about the ‘emancipation’ of women, but it disturbs me when they justify their surprise with:

‘But you’re a guy…’

Or (worse, more often than not):

‘But you’re Muslim…’

I’m not going to write about the rights and status of women in Islam (not this time), what I am going to write about is the influence, on me, of one of three very, very important characters and how they’ve shown me, in my formative years (and beyond), the ‘rights and status of women’ in general.

Clark Kent.

Lois Lane.

Superman.

These names are famous across the world and have formed the ‘template’ for many other characters within fiction over the past 75 years.  Sometimes people have been ‘derogatory’ or dismissive in their reference to the characters, other times the use is an expression of appreciation and admiration.  More often than not, though, people are unaware as to how influential these characters have been, and continue to be.

For now, let’s focus on Lois Lane.

My first memories of Lois are from the old Fleischer cartoons – specifically, the Mechanical Monsters episode and, more specifically, her climbing in to one of the robots.

Those memories are not of someone hiding in fear.

Those memories are not of someone shying away.

Those memories are of someone trying to find out what’s going on.

Inquisitive.

Incisive.

Brave.

The next set of memories is from Superman: The Movie where Lois deliberately drops her purse to frustrate her would-be mugger.  Yes, many would consider it foolish – the guy was armed with a gun, afterall – but why should she give up what’s hers, even if it was ‘ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick’?

Then there’s Lois distracting a French policeman with a dictionary!  (No offence to the French but I still grin when I see or remember that scene)

Further down memory lane and it’s the reprints of Byrne’s Superman and Action Comics and, again, there’s Lois staring bad things right in the eye and, pretty much, saying ‘bring it’.

Over the years, others have tried to take Lois’ place as the confident, plucky, witty, no-nonsense woman who can easily stand shoulder to shoulder with any man – there was April O’Neil, Princess Leia, Jennifer Hart and dozens of strong mothers in various television shows (I can’t include the ‘Angels’ from Charlie’s Angels since, well, their name ties directly to a guy…) – but (and I know I’m being biased here) Lois stood shoulder to shoulder with a superman.

Before there was ‘Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper’, there was Lois Lane.  Plucky, confident, witty Lois Lane, with a nose for a good story and a willingness to face various dangers to get to it.  This is 1938.  Women in America had barely had the right to vote for 20 years.  For those of us in the West it may be hard to imagine.

When you look back at some of the movies from that period and beyond, more often than not you’ll find women dependent on men, rushing to the arms of men, protected by men.  The naysayers will argue that ‘Lois has Superman rescuing her all the time’, but this ignores the fact that Lois was in dangerous situations dozens of times, no matter the continuity used, before Superman was Superman. 

Before Clark Kent created the persona of Superman (Action Comics (vol 1) issue 1); before Superman landed on Earth and was given the suggestion to have a secret identity and named ‘Clark Kent’ (Adventures of Superman radio show); before Clark Kent moved to Metropolis and entered Perry White’s office through a window (Adventures of Superman television show); before Kal-El returned from 12 years of study, moved to Metropolis and joined the Daily Planet (Superman: The Movie); before Clark Kent saved the Constitution from a fiery demise (Man of Steel mini series, issue 1); before Superman made Glen Glenmorgan confess to his crimes (Action Comics (vol 2) issue 1)…there was Lois Lane, fighting for truth, justice and the good in life.

Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel: I salute you and thank you for creating this awesome woman.

Lois Lane: I’ll see you over the next 75 ;)

Rape: It's every where!

There was outcry when news spread of a 23 year old woman who was gang-raped and inflicted with grevious (truly horrific) injuries, but if I could take a moment to draw your attention to the following:

- 11 year old girl gang-raped and inflicted with grevious injuries.  She has undergone 14 major reconstructive surgeries (and will have at least 1 more), and her family is being pressured to drop the case (Jaipur)

- a 6 year old girl was raped (Moga district)

- a 6 year old girl was (allegedly) raped (Sindh, Pakistan)

- the age of a woman raped in Central Park (New York) in September 2012: 73

- 14 men have been accused of repeatedly gang-raping an 11 year old girl in Texas (they said she 'dressed older than her age')

- in the US, 15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under the age of 12

- 48 women were raped per hour in Congo during the war

- 60,000+ women were raped in the 1990s during the Bosnian conflict

- a 12 year old boy was forced to participate in the rape of his mother (in the US)

- in Afghanistan, women are being imprisoned for being raped

- US forces raped several women in rural Afghanistan

- in Morocco, a 16 year old rape victim committed suicide after bring forced to marry her rapist

- an 8 year old, a 14 year old and a 15 year old were forced to marry a 59 year old at the Tony Alamo Christian Ministry in Arkansas

These are just the 'public' and 'not-so-public' ones.  There are thousands upon thousands that are unheard of.  Thousands upon thousands that are suppressed in order to protect 'honour' and 'family', and other 'reasons'.

Churches, temples, madrassas, schools...homes.

In some cases, when the victims speak out they're branded as liars or prostitutes.  Others (or their families) are 'convinced' to quieten up.  Others die.  Others disappear.

A few get the push their case needs, a few have the attention given to them.  A few may be able to get justice.

The rest?  With bandaged wounds and suppressed trauma, they 'live'...

All

Across

The

World

Rape, clothes and the disturbing mindset (of men) that seems to be encouraged...

When I read comments like ‘if she’s dressed in a short skirt she’s asking for attention’, I just think (excuse the profanity) ‘bullshit’.  The ‘excuses’ and ‘justifications’ made by certain people over why some men behave they way they do, and do the things they do, are, frankly, ridiculous.

In my (uneducated) opinion, it all, basically, comes down to ‘power play’.  Just as there are men who do not want women to be educated because they know that those women will be better than them, that those women will achieve the goals they have set themselves, and those same men will be ‘weak’ (and looked ‘down on’ in comparison), and so will  do whatever they can to ‘dissuade’ women from having access to education that is rightfully theirs, so, too, there are men who, either through experiencing rejection or fearing it, use manipulation, force, coercion and so on, in order to ‘have their way’.

Across the world there are rapists – opportunists and ‘escalators’ – and I think one of the approaches we need to take in countering these people requires us to address the general encouraged mindset.  (Note, the following are generalisations)

‘Wooing’ someone has become ‘aggressively pursuing’ – music videos, song lyrics, and movies have encouraged this and although, for the most part, it hasn’t been ‘direct’, the associative imagery is there.

‘Taking advantage’ of a drunk person is ‘okay’ so long as the person being taken advantage of isn’t absolutely paralytic when the initial advances are made – over the years we have had the repeated excuse of ‘I didn’t think she was that drunk’, coupled with ‘I thought she was just teasing and pretending to be hard-to-get’, and similar claims.

‘Women like to have attention given to them, and that’s why they dress ‘provocatively’/smile at you/touch your arm when they laugh etc’’.  Sure, touching someone is a strong indicator of being comfortable with that person, but being comfortable with a person doesn’t mean ‘I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby’.  Similarly, smiling at someone isn’t a ‘come-on’, and when nuns and women wearing burqas and niqabs are being raped there is no way you can say they were ‘dressed provocatively’.

…but that’s what some people have and do claim…that wearing a burqa is the lady’s way of saying ‘come and find out what’s underneath’…that it’s a ‘cock-tease’…and an invitation…

So if a woman wearing a bikini and sarong is ‘asking for it’, and a woman wearing a burqa is ‘asking for it’, and a woman wearing jeans is ‘asking for it’, and a woman wearing a baggy tracksuit is ‘asking for it’…what the heck are women supposed to wear that will make it clear that ‘no, I do not want you to try and have your way with me!  I’m not interested!  Leave me alone!’?!

I’m not going to deny that there have been instances of a woman consenting, regretting it, and then claiming rape.  It has happened.  But those instances are few and far between.  The guys at the receiving end of such claims are rightfully confused, but when there’s resistance to advances (and, yes, women usually are aware enough to say ‘no’ or try to dissuade things from progressing beyond the kissing and ‘petting’ stage) or no resistance because she’s physically unable to because she’s either unconscious or close to being so, there is no basis for confusion or misunderstanding.

None.

At all.

…and when it’s a child…well, just be glad I (and many others) will never get our hands on you because, frankly, you’d wish you were dead or that I/we would kill you.

I’m keeping this post relatively tame, but in light of the demonic behaviour of ‘those’ rapists in India, the rape of a 6 year-old in Pakistan, the revelations that so many vulnerable people were exploited in the UK…and so on…I really want to rant and rave (impotent as such ranting and raving may be).

Words aren’t enough – the women and children of this world must be protected!

Another rant

Okay, so the Hep vaccination was used as a cover to locate and target OBL, but when you KNOW, tangibly and irrefutably, that the number of those with polio has gone up, on what frigging basis are you risking the lives of children because 'it might be a way for those against us to spy on us'?!

Let them spy on you!

Of course, some will say something along the lines of 'it's not us, it's the West trying to make us look bad', but that's just excusing the situation.  Turn it around on its head.  Give the workers the protection they need.

No, I'm not referring to the Pakistani government/army giving protection; I'm suggesting the Taliban and other gangs give the protection.

I know, a shocking suggestion.

Embrace the fact that those being directly affected by polio are a part of the potential Pakistan holds.  Recognise that they need nurturing and protecting, not used as shields or 'collateral damage'.

If it's not 'you' (Taliban) conducting the attacks, then step up and protect those you were supposed to be protecting.  Stop being the self-serving hypocrites you currently are.

If it is 'you' (Taliban) doing this, then wake up to the fact that you (according to your beliefs) will be brought before your Lord to account for what you did, what you encouraged, and what you allowed to do.  Ponder the consequences your actions and inaction holds.

Stop tearing things down, blowing things up and preventing the enhancement of life, and help build!  Nurture, learn and develop.

Power of Fear

Fear is a powerful motivator.

Often it is only considered in an immediate situation – ‘fight or flight’ – but it’s the prolonged and lasting fear that can affect long-term responses and initiate lasting change.

On an individual level, we have people buying and carrying ‘panic alarms’ in response to an assault in the local area; we have a heightened awareness of ‘strangers’ in response to the abduction of a child; people install security systems in their homes in response to a home-invasion…and so on.

Then there are the wider responses, the community responses – some of which are extensions to the ones outlined above.  These responses sometimes have an extra ‘energy source’: outrage.  The combination of fear and outrage is powerful on an emotional level, but it needs to be directed in a useful way, otherwise it becomes overwhelming, emotionally draining and oppressive and, eventually, impotent.

The danger is the impotency – when people strive to change things for the better and it all comes tumbling down when ‘the system’ blocks them.  Some, like Susana Trimarco (who has survived two murder attempts, her house being burnt down, and countless death threats over the last 10 years as she tried to find her missing daughter) have this ‘well of determination’, the drive to keep going.  An amazing woman whose efforts have led to the rescue of dozens of women who were being sexually exploited, and hundreds more after establishing her foundation…but received a blow recently when the judges in a recent hearing said that ‘we could not establish what really happened…but it was not a case of people trafficking’.

In another part of the world, known for the deaths of people through bombs and shootings on an almost daily basis, at least 9 girls were killed while collecting firewood.  A landmine went off.  Although organisations such as The Halo Trust and MAG are hard at work, there is still so much more to do.  According to researchers at Manchester University, ‘there are at least 110 million active landmines in place across the world’ and ‘it is estimated it would take $30bn (£19bn) and more than 1,000 years to clear them using current technologies’.  Despite the dangers and oppression where they lived, those girls were determined to work for the general betterment of all in their region; they had dreams and aspirations – may their determination inspire others and spark new dreams.

Across the border we have another country known for its numerous car bombings and suicide bombings, with a recent bombing killing at least 17 and injuring at least 70.  The people there are also determined to make things better…they’re just trying to figure out how.

In the US, now, after repeatedly being put on the backburner, the bid to bring in stronger gun control has a renewed momentum.  After the tragedy on Friday, and the theft of the lives of 20 children and 6 adults, people are once more seeking change.

And, once more, being countered.

I hope the fear and outrage can be married with (dogged) determination and progress is made in making things safer (in the US) overall – whether it be compulsory psych analysis, increase in waiting time, registration and tracking…

I hope the determination and efforts of countless others across the world striving to bring about a safer world continues, and continues to succeed...even if it's one small unnoticed step at a time...